Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
