just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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