I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
handjob tips. give me some.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
