she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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