i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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