Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
