True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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