Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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