maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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