the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
