Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
