OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
