The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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