this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
