Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
