Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
