I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
