what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
