Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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