how can u be prego again
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
