I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
