i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
