Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
