We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
