Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
