i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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