if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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