I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
