1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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