John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
