I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found your dick twin last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
