She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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