So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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