Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
