I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He shit in the fireplace
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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