think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
