I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no you cant smoke seaweed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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