i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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