And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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