Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
