...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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