I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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