I accidentally burped into my bong.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
