it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize