is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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