Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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