Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
