At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
