The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
