just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
