i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
