HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
