When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize