is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
