Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
