Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
