the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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