just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
