Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
