Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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