So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
