i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I AM VODKA MAN
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
