theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
