I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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