i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
