Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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