Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
a search helicopter?!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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