He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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