Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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