Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The air was thick with penises
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
