Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
