about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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