They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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