Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
sex in a hospital.. check
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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