I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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