this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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