She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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